Your Friend That You Hate

I have a friend whose parenting never ceases to amaze me. I mean, she seems pretty normal when it comes to her 3 year old, and even comes up with great craft ideas and creative ways to get him to comply (I'm more the "resistance is futile, just do what I say already" type).

But her parenting of her infant is so far on the other end of the spectrum to what I believe in. Let me give you an example: just yesterday she sends me an invitation to a Kodak Gallery album. In it is a picture of her 6 month old baby daughter eating chunks of pancake! The caption proudly read that B was eating pancake for the first time.

I'm sorry, but anyone who has read a parenting book in the last 10 years or so knows that you're only supposed to be starting solids at 6 months, and babies that age are certainly not ready for pieces of pancake bigger than I give my 19 month old.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm certainly not the perfect parent, and I don't expect others to be. I started solids at 5 months, yell at my 3 year old sometimes, and put on the TV more than an hour a day most days (head hanging in shame). But when I look at people like my friend who formula-fed from the get-go (something I have NO tolerance for), said of her son when he was an infant, "I don't want him to get attached to me," and now the pancake thing... I guess it's hard to see the common ground of friendship.

The good thing is, she does love her kids lots; I can see it. I know it. And when the little one gets to be 2 or 3, there probably won't be too many more things for me choke myself over in horror.

Truth is, when your world has been redefined by children, these kinds of parenting clashes can really take a toll on friendships. Case in point: someone I know with a friend who ended up with a very warped parenting philosophy (and I'm not just saying this. This person works for children's services and denies newborn adoptions to couples if the mother wants to try to lactate and breastfeed the baby.) The husband refers to the wife's friend as, "Your friend that you hate."

Well, I love my friend dearly, and I'm determined to shake my head silently and vent here rather than destroy our friendship over parenting disagreements. It's not easy, though. I mean, when you work so hard to do the right thing for your kids, when your friend doesn't seem to care doesn't it diminish all your efforts?