Being a Work At Home Mom

I think I may have strayed from the path somewhere. All I have ever wanted was to be a mom, and now I am. I have two fantastic little girls and the good fortune to be able to stay home with them full-time. So why do I find myself always trying to get away from them?

It started with the election. Every morning I would put the TV on for them and catch a few more winks on the couch. Then I would get my coffee and sit at the computer looking at the latest election news. Now that that’s over, the habit has stuck. I sit at my computer for at least an hour every morning with my coffee and breakfast, hoping the kids will leave me alone so I can just wake up.

Now we all have the flu. It’s awful. All I want to do is lay on the couch. And, of course, have my coffee and computer time in the morning. But today my oldest, who sounds like someone replaced her lungs with cotton candy, had a morning meltdown. Crying over nothing. Whining and crying and driving me nuts. Then there’s the baby asking to nurse over and over again, even when I’ve already nursed her. Guys, please! I just want to drink my coffee and get on the computer for crying out loud.

And then I realized it. My kid is sick. This is prime mothering time. So why, instead of comforting and nurturing her, am I pushing her away to get some “me” time? I felt terrible. I made her a hot lemon and honey drink and cuddled in bed with her to read her a story. What a transformation! Even though she had been whining that she didn’t want to be in her bed, she revelled in my attention. The baby did pull me away several times, but K did not even complain. The little of myself that I was able to give her was enough.

My husband has been dropping hints, actually. Since I started writing for this healthcare company in Arizona, a lot of my so-called “free” time is spent writing articles. He sees me trying to squeeze work time in whenever the kids are eating/watching TV/resting/napping. Of course it doesn’t work because there are so many interruptions, which frustrates me. The kids can sense my annoyance. DH is urging me to schedule my work time when my parents or he can watch the kids. It’s good advice. Except there always seems to be a reason why my “work” time gets the shaft: my parents are out of town this week, and again that week, we’re all sick, etc. etc.

Of course, that’s where I have to remind myself of my priorities. My freelance writing career is a luxury right now, and if I can’t manage it while still taking care of my family’s needs, then I shouldn’t be doing it. It’s going to take some organization (uggh!) and discipline (double uggh!) on my part. But I have a uniquely wonderful opportunity to fulfill myself with a part-time career while still being a stay-at-home-mom. I’d be a fool to let that get away because of poor time management.